I was having a conversation with a friend earlier today when the subject of "our most embarrassing moments" came up. Now, friends... let me preface this story by saying this: when I tell you that I am not easily embarrassed or offended, you can pretty much bet money on it. I am often a "no filter" kind of person and will sometimes say things just for shock value and to get a laugh. Of course, I don't do this just anywhere; I have to know that those around me aren't going to clinch their ass cheeks and run to H/R or shove a crucifix to my forehead and call me a heathen. With that said, please note that I did declare that I am not easily offended; I never said it was impossible.
Case in point:
Picture it. Nashville, circa the early 90's. I was around 21 years old when I found out that one of my childhood musical idols, Sylvia was going to be playing an intimate show at The Bluebird Café. Now, for those of you who have never heard of her or may be too young to have a clue who she is, Sylvia is a country artist who rose to the scene on the RCA label around the late 70's and early 80's. When I was young, I was so smitten with her and her music that I begged my mom to buy her 8-tracks and cassettes and we listened to them on repeat almost every day.
At one point, my mom co-owned and managed a dive bar on the Texas/Oklahoma border called The Oasis (it has since burned down). The man who serviced our jukebox was familiar with my infatuation with Sylvia and would give me her records when he removed them (which he said he was not supposed to do). Mind you, I was around 6 or 7 years old at the time.
When I was 16, I had landed a job as a cashier at the K-Mart at Gallatin Road and Briley Parkway. On my first day of training, I was standing at the register and happened to look over at the ice cream counter and saw the most gorgeous head of long, golden brown hair from the back. I had spent years stalking the woman; there was no mistaking that hair. Sure enough, she turned around to hand an ice cream cone to the guy she was with and I saw her face... and I almost shit myself right then and there. I was so excited that I couldn't contain it. I started pointing and asked my training manager if I could get her autograph. Surprisingly, she said yes. By this time, Sylvia had reached the parking lot. I ran outside and called her name and she turned around, all smiles. Gawddamn she was purty! I couldn't believe I was standing face-to-face... with Sylvia. I told her I was her biggest fan. I mean, isn't that what we are supposed to say? But I actually believed it, and I meant it. She walked me to her car and gave me her autograph on the back of an expired boarding pass. Then she hugged me and I went back inside. Shook, I tell you. I was SHOOK!
But I digress...
When I found out that she was playing at The Bluebird, I called them up and once again told them that I was her biggest fan and wanted to know how I could go about getting tickets. I even shared the K-Mart story with the manager to prove that I had been a long-time fan and would do pretty much anything to see her perform live. He told me that the show was sold out, but he would see what he could do. So, I gave him my phone number and thought nothing else of it. Later that evening, the manager called me back and told me that he had spoken directly to Sylvia, and she had asked him to reserve a front-row table for me and a guest. SHOOK!!! I was SHOOK!!! I couldn't believe it! For DAYS I ran around Nashville dancing on air. No joke. Ask anyone who knew me then. It's all I could talk about.
So, the night of the show arrived and my "husband" at the time, Randy and I were escorted to our seats. A little while later, the waitress came by to take our drink orders. A short while later, the manager stepped up onto the stage to welcome everyone and to introduce Sylvia to the spotlight. And then... there she was, standing just a few feet from me. I couldn't believe that I was going to finally get to see my childhood idol sing so close that I could reach out and touch her. It was such an exhilarating experience. She even looked at me and waved before she started singing. It was bliss!
As she sang, I couldn't stop smiling because of how beautiful she was... larger than life... with that angelic voice that I had only ever heard on television and coming from my radios. It was surreal. And then when I noticed that she had a baby bump, I grew even more excited! I couldn't believe she was going to be a mommy, too! If anyone had asked me just a month prior if I ever thought I would be living that moment, I'd have said no. But there I was... living that moment. And nothing could ever compare, nor could anything bring me down from that high!
Until she sat with us during intermission.
I can't believe I am even about to tell you this. But...
She sat down next to me, and of course I turned to her with this huge cheesy-ass grin on my face looking like Opie Taylor trying to stutter his way through a conversation with his secret crush. She told me that she was so happy that I called the bar and that I could make it to the show. And then she asked me how I was doing. You know, the usual small talk. But she seemed genuinely interested! I was on top of the world... sitting face-to-face with Sylvia and talking to her as if we were old friends.
And that's when it happened.
I looked her square in the eyes, with a wide-eyed grin from ear-to-ear, and asked, "So, is this your first child?" And she replied, "Umm... I'm not pregnant."
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱💀💀💀💀💀
All I could hear as I covered my face with my hands and tried to sink as far as I could into my chair was Randy's voice in my earsaying yelling, "OH DAMN!" I uncovered my face and apologized profusely to this woman, knowing that there wasn't anything I could ever say or do that would erase those few seconds or allow me a do-over. She was so sweet about it, too. She tried to comfort me by saying that she obviously needed to get rid of the sweater she was wearing because "I wasn't the first to comment that she looked fat."
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱💀💀💀💀💀
After I gasped in disbelief that THAT was her takeaway, she laughed and told me she was joking, but that she would be ditching the sweater.
And now you know.
💖 T
Case in point:
At one point, my mom co-owned and managed a dive bar on the Texas/Oklahoma border called The Oasis (it has since burned down). The man who serviced our jukebox was familiar with my infatuation with Sylvia and would give me her records when he removed them (which he said he was not supposed to do). Mind you, I was around 6 or 7 years old at the time.
When I was 16, I had landed a job as a cashier at the K-Mart at Gallatin Road and Briley Parkway. On my first day of training, I was standing at the register and happened to look over at the ice cream counter and saw the most gorgeous head of long, golden brown hair from the back. I had spent years stalking the woman; there was no mistaking that hair. Sure enough, she turned around to hand an ice cream cone to the guy she was with and I saw her face... and I almost shit myself right then and there. I was so excited that I couldn't contain it. I started pointing and asked my training manager if I could get her autograph. Surprisingly, she said yes. By this time, Sylvia had reached the parking lot. I ran outside and called her name and she turned around, all smiles. Gawddamn she was purty! I couldn't believe I was standing face-to-face... with Sylvia. I told her I was her biggest fan. I mean, isn't that what we are supposed to say? But I actually believed it, and I meant it. She walked me to her car and gave me her autograph on the back of an expired boarding pass. Then she hugged me and I went back inside. Shook, I tell you. I was SHOOK!
But I digress...
When I found out that she was playing at The Bluebird, I called them up and once again told them that I was her biggest fan and wanted to know how I could go about getting tickets. I even shared the K-Mart story with the manager to prove that I had been a long-time fan and would do pretty much anything to see her perform live. He told me that the show was sold out, but he would see what he could do. So, I gave him my phone number and thought nothing else of it. Later that evening, the manager called me back and told me that he had spoken directly to Sylvia, and she had asked him to reserve a front-row table for me and a guest. SHOOK!!! I was SHOOK!!! I couldn't believe it! For DAYS I ran around Nashville dancing on air. No joke. Ask anyone who knew me then. It's all I could talk about.
So, the night of the show arrived and my "husband" at the time, Randy and I were escorted to our seats. A little while later, the waitress came by to take our drink orders. A short while later, the manager stepped up onto the stage to welcome everyone and to introduce Sylvia to the spotlight. And then... there she was, standing just a few feet from me. I couldn't believe that I was going to finally get to see my childhood idol sing so close that I could reach out and touch her. It was such an exhilarating experience. She even looked at me and waved before she started singing. It was bliss!
As she sang, I couldn't stop smiling because of how beautiful she was... larger than life... with that angelic voice that I had only ever heard on television and coming from my radios. It was surreal. And then when I noticed that she had a baby bump, I grew even more excited! I couldn't believe she was going to be a mommy, too! If anyone had asked me just a month prior if I ever thought I would be living that moment, I'd have said no. But there I was... living that moment. And nothing could ever compare, nor could anything bring me down from that high!
Until she sat with us during intermission.
I can't believe I am even about to tell you this. But...
She sat down next to me, and of course I turned to her with this huge cheesy-ass grin on my face looking like Opie Taylor trying to stutter his way through a conversation with his secret crush. She told me that she was so happy that I called the bar and that I could make it to the show. And then she asked me how I was doing. You know, the usual small talk. But she seemed genuinely interested! I was on top of the world... sitting face-to-face with Sylvia and talking to her as if we were old friends.
And that's when it happened.
I looked her square in the eyes, with a wide-eyed grin from ear-to-ear, and asked, "So, is this your first child?" And she replied, "Umm... I'm not pregnant."
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱💀💀💀💀💀
All I could hear as I covered my face with my hands and tried to sink as far as I could into my chair was Randy's voice in my ear
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱💀💀💀💀💀
After I gasped in disbelief that THAT was her takeaway, she laughed and told me she was joking, but that she would be ditching the sweater.
And now you know.
💖 T
Comments
Post a Comment